Ghosts
by Orasa
Summary: Duo has some VERY freaky dreams...


Title: Ghosts  
  
Author: Orasa Nekuma  
  
Archive: I'm currently workin on my website...if you want it, go for it, but email me and tell me where you're puttin it ^^  
  
Rating: PG13-R...for graphicness (is that a word? XD)  
  
Warnings: Duo POV, couple liberties taken with Duo's childhood, angst, language, freakiness, yaoi later, mention of NCS, etc.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or any of the kawaii bishie charas from it *dammit*...so don't sue or anything.  
  
Pairings: Eventually...implied 1x2 towards the end  
  
Note: The idea for this fic hit me at 1:30 in the morning when I couldn't sleep one night…and I was ALMOST asleep too! But noooo, this awesome fic idea came to me and I just HAD to get up and write it down so I would remember the idea and write the fic so YOU lucky ppl could enjoy it!! Eheh…anywayz, on with the fic! ^_^;; MANY MANY thanks to trowacko and Endymion who beta'd this thing for me ^^  
  
"blah blah"=speech  
  
blah blah=telepathy, voices in the head, etc.  
  
//blah blah//=private thoughts  
  
(1), (2), etc.=note at end  
  
My eyes snapped open, only to see impenetrable darkness, stretching away from me in every possible direction. I felt like I was in the center of some huge black hole floating somewhere out in space. The darkness seemed to somehow emanate from within me, completely filling my world. There was no light anywhere, none. "Ok, where the fuck am I?" I said. Or at least tried to say…but no sound came out of my mouth. I tried again…still nothing. I could feel my mouth moving, my vocal cords straining, but there was no sound. Zip, nada. //Alright, this is now starting to seriously freak me out…//  
  
I opened my eyes wider, trying to see something, anything. But there was nothing to see…nothing but the endless darkness, the darkness inside my soul. I yelled as loud as I could and strained my ears to catch the sound that I knew had to be there. There was only silence. This was quickly becoming too much for me to handle. I screamed now, again…and again…and again. I screamed until my throat was raw and strained my eyes and ears, trying to hear or see anything. Nothing. Finally, after an interminable time, I felt my knees turn to jelly and I collapsed onto a hard, cold surface, still shrieking silently as I curled into a tiny ball born of fear. I squeezed my eyes shut against the endless, empty darkness, but I found I couldn't escape it. I knew it was here within me, a part of me.  
  
Suddenly, a voice broke into the terrifying black void that was my world…it spoke right into my mind, stilling my screams with two words. Wake up. I opened my eyes and was nearly blinded by the brilliance of indirect lights glinting off of snow-covered streets and buildings. Slowly, I pulled myself to my feet and looked around. I was in some sort of city in one of the colonies, obviously in the dead of winter. Strangely, I wasn't cold, although I was only wearing a pair of black silk boxers. Also, the snow on the ground hadn't seemed to stick to me at all. It was like I wasn't really there, I felt like a shadow...or a ghost.  
  
"Where am I NOW…?" I wondered out loud. I started when I realized I could hear my own voice, then I sighed in relief.  
  
Shut up, a voice said into my mind. It was a deep, cultured voice, silky smooth and purely evil...the same voice that had told me to wake up. I opened my mouth to say something else, but something that felt like a sharp stake poking into my ear stopped me. I gasped in pain as the voice said savagely, Shut up and watch.  
  
My legs started moving on their own, taking me toward a dark alleyway between two buildings to my right. I jerked in surprise at the sudden motion and tried to stop, but there was nothing I could do. As I was forced to walk forward into the alley and my eyes adjusted to the dimmer light, I could make out a small figure huddled in on itself at the end of the alley. I could see that the figure was a child with long ratty-looking hair and was using the hair to cover its too-thin body. I couldn't tell if the child was male or female, but whatever sex it was, the poor thing was freezing cold. What skin I could see had a sickly, bluish cast to it.  
  
Just as a faint memory tickled at my brain, my legs stopped moving and wouldn't go any farther. The memory disappeared into mist with my abrupt halt. I willed myself to go forward, to help the child, but I couldn't. I was forced to watch, helpless, from the mouth of the alley as the child slowly froze to death in front of me.  
  
Suddenly, another child appeared out of a broken window in the building to my right, obviously not aware that I was there. This child was older than the other by at least a couple of years and I could tell this one was a boy. Carrying something in his arms, the boy walked slowly toward the first child. When he reached the shivering, half-frozen figure, he bent and wrapped the blanket he'd been carrying around the child and then picked up the bundle and carried it back inside the building, through the same broken window. As they passed by me, I almost caught a glimpse of the blanket-shrouded child's face…  
  
But then everything swirled in front of my eyes, the scene quickly melting together to become a white and gray blur. When the world stopped spinning, I was once more standing on the streets. Looking around, I saw it was the same city, but now it was late winter or early spring, because I could see patches of melted snow scattered about me. In the "sky" above me, dark clouds were massing, threatening the last big blow of winter before it surrendered to spring.  
  
As I stood there, wondering what would happen next, a small boy ran by me, his long tangled hair streaming behind him. I suddenly realized that the kid was the same near-dead child I'd seen in the alley. He was older now, about the age his rescuer had been. Again, I felt myself move without my control, running easily to follow the boy. Another memory tickled at me, but every time I tried to catch the elusive thought it skittered away, out of reach.  
  
Finally, the boy I was following came to a small, burned-out husk of a building in a poor neighborhood and ducked inside the shelter, with me right behind him. He padded over to the far corner on small feet wrapped in soggy rags and knelt down beside someone lying on the floor. I was forced to stop where I was and I couldn't really see clearly, because of the angle, who was on the floor. The boy bent close to the figure and said something I couldn't hear, then pulled a hypodermic needle out of his ragged clothes. He carefully injected the other person and then leaned back a little to study his friend…and I could see that the one on the floor was the boy who had rescued him before. And now it was the rescuer who was dying. Whatever the longhaired boy had given him wasn't working, I could tell. The boy's savior would soon be dead.  
  
And then…the memories flooded back, all at once…_I_ was the long-haired boy…and the other boy, he was…was… "NOOO!" I screamed. "No, I don't want to see—" But there was nothing I could do. Now, I was really there, once more a scared young boy watching my best friend, my adopted family, my brother, father, and protector, die in front of me. I was me, and yet I was also him. I, we, watched, helpless, as he rasped out his last breath, saying good-bye to me, speaking my name for the last time with bright red blood shining on his thin lips. I cried like a baby over his slowly stiffening body. I sat there for hours, sobbing and rocking back and forth as his skin grew cold and hard under my hands.  
  
Then…his hand shot up and grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me in close to his frost-rimmed face. His eyes snapped open, and they were deep black pits of pain and madness, pulling me in relentlessly. "It's your fault," he whispered, his frost-crusted lips moving to produce a raspy, strained sound, like dry snakeskin scraped over a tombstone. "Your fault…you loved me and now I'm dead…all your fault…should have come faster…but noo…you loved me so you stayed…" I jumped back, out of his icy grasp, screaming, my eyes wide and wild with fear. I ran away from him, straight into the last snowstorm of winter…but I could still hear his dry voice, following me like a mad, accusing ghost chasing me through the snow. "You loved me and I'm dead…it's your fault…"  
  
I ran until I couldn't run anymore, not caring where I was going, just running...still hearing his voice and screaming at it to stop. After a long time, I collapsed in the slushy snow, sobbing, too drained to go on. All thoughts flew from my head as I lay there, curled into myself like an animal. Then the voice came to me again, the voice in my head.  
  
There is more. Get up. Unable to ignore the voice's command, I stood and the scene shifted again to show the ratty-haired boy, his hair now braided, running up to the doorway of a church. He opened the door and went in and I was suddenly behind him, looking over his shoulder to see a nun leaning over a wounded soldier in the back of the room. In another corner, some men were talking about capturing some base. "Just one mobile suit!" one asserted. "If we can get that, then freedom will be ours!"  
  
An older priest stepped up and interrupted him. "Haven't we had enough of this?" he asked.  
  
The man talking about the mobile suit, whirled and yelled, "What did you say?!" fury evident on his hard face.  
  
"Didn't Heero Yuy once say 'We, the people of the colonies, didn't come to live in space so we could fight'...No matter what happens, we must not fight." the old priest said.  
  
"Bastard!" the soldier yelled at him. "I dare you to say that again!"  
  
"I'll keep saying it over and over," the priest replied calmly, as the other soldiers protested his audacity.  
  
"Shuddup!" the soldier screamed, slapping the priest hard.  
  
The boy suddenly ran forward, yelling, "Hey!" as the nun ran over to stand over the fallen priest.  
  
"Stop it, please," she begged the soldiers. "Please, no more." Then the soldiers slapped the nun as well and one suggested they might be alliance spies, but I found my attention pulled away from them. I was watching the braided boy...something seemed very familiar about him.  
  
Suddenly, he broke into their 'conversation' and yelled, "All you want's one mobile suit?!" The soldiers stopped and stared at him. "I'll go steal one for you! And in return, I want you guys to get out of here! This is supposed to be a peaceful place!"  
  
"Hmph. The brat's talking nonsense," one soldier said.  
  
The kid glared at him and said, "I may run, and I may hide...but I don't tell lies like you guys."  
  
"Say what?!" the soldier yelled, but before he could do anything, the boy ran out the door, going right through my body. The nun tried to stop him, but he wasn't listening.  
  
I remained frozen there, forced to watch as the soldiers began to rip off the nun's clothes. One by one, they raped her and beat her and the priest, yelling that they were spies and would betray them...that women should keep their place and not try to tell men what to do...that priests were no good liars and only did their jobs for the money. "D...Duo...is Duo all right?" the priest asked again and again, trying to understand. "Please...stop this," he begged them. "We only wish for...peace...please..." They forced the nun to watch as they killed the old priest while the last man had his way with her, slamming into her over and over again.  
  
Then they left the building and set it on fire, laughing as one wall tumbled inward, narrowly missing the torn and bloody nun as she lay gasping on the floor. As they sauntered away, the first soldier calmly shot the nun in the stomach, ensuring that she would die as the others shot out the glass of the windows, destroying the church's beauty forever. I felt tears come to my eyes, but I could not shed them. I could not mourn for the nun and the priest...or the other children I somehow knew had been in the church...or the rest of the kind nuns and other people who had lived there. My tears were frozen inside me, they wouldn't fall for anyone.  
  
Just then, the braided boy came back and I gasped as I was hurtled into his body...to become him...me. I stared in shock at the ruins of the church, at Sister Helen's naked and bloody form. "No...this...can't be..." I mumbled, too stunned to do anything but stand there.  
  
Her voice reached me, bringing me out of my trance. "D...Duo..." I walked toward her. "I'm glad...you're safe."  
  
"Sister!" I cried, falling to my hands and knees beside her.  
  
"Don't make us worry like that," she said, looking into my eyes with a strange half-smile on her battered face. "Father was...worried about you...even to the end..."  
  
"I-I'll go get a doctor!" I yelled, but I knew it was too late...I could feel it. (1)  
  
"The...they attacked us," she continued, tears shining in her sky-blue eyes. "We couldn't stop them, they...burned the church."  
  
"W-was it my fault?" I asked and before I could continue, Sister Helen's beautiful eyes flashed bright red, then faded to a darker, rust-red...the color of weeks-old blood.  
  
"Of course it was your fault, you foolish child!" she snarled, blood bubbling between her lips. "You loved us, didn't you? Didn't you?!"  
  
"S-sister...!"  
  
"Shut up, you little shit! You loved us and now we're dead...dead and gone...and it's your fault..."  
  
"NOOOO!!" I screamed, somehow on my feet, stumbling backwards, away from her. "No no no no no no no nonononononononononooo," I moaned, turning to run. But as I took a step, another face loomed up before me.  
  
A blond boy with aqua eyes who was somehow wedged into the smashed and burning remains of a mobile suit...a mobile suit with twin sickle blades. He stared at me, his eyes accusing. "Your fault, Duo...I'm dead...and it's your–"  
  
"NO!" I screamed and suddenly, I was holding something. I swung it forward, smashing it into him, just wanting him to go away, to stop accusing me. I stared in horror as the scythe in my hand lopped off his head and it fell to the ground at my feet.  
  
"–fault, it's your fault, Duo," the disembodied head continued, undaunted.  
  
I turned and stumbled away and another boy was there...this one with a long bang that covered half his face and gaping bullet holes riddling his young body. "Dead," he whispered. "Dead because of you..."  
  
I held the scythe out before me, slowly going mad with the pain of what they were telling me. "I'll kill you!" I screamed. "Shut up! I'll kill you!!"  
  
"But we're already dead, Maxwell," another voice said. I turned again to see a Chinese boy with eyes black as midnight, a sword thrust through his heart. "You can't kill us because we're already dead...."  
  
"That's right, Duo...dead because of you," a new voice said coldly. I turned and saw a boy with cobalt eyes and dark chocolate hair staring at me with hatred. "You loved us...loved me and now we're all...dead..."  
  
"SHUT UP!" I screamed, covering my ears. "SHUT UP, I'LL KILL YOU, SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!" But they wouldn't stop and I flew into a rage, laying about me with my scythe until all that was left of them was bloody chunks of flesh.  
  
But still their voices continued on, merging into one great, terrible voice that filled my entire world as I sank to my knees in the pool of blood I'd created. "DEAD AND IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU LOVED US AND NOW WE'RE DEAD DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT ALL YOUR FAULT DEAD ALL DEAD AND GONE YOUR FAULT DUO DEAD!"  
  
Suddenly, someone was shaking me hard and my eyes snapped open to look into Heero's concerned cobalt orbs. "Duo?" he said, the worry evident in his normally monotone voice.  
  
And then I was clinging to him, my tears wetting his bare chest as I sobbed uncontrollably while he stroked my hair gently. "Shh, it's all right, it was only a dream, chiisai hito...shhh, (2)" he whispered, gently soothing away my all too obvious fear. I was close to having a panic attack, something I'd never done before, and that wasn't helping to calm me down much.  
  
I just lay there for a long time and let him comfort me before pulling away a bit and wiping my eyes. "I...you...you were all dead...and Solo and Sister Helen too...and you said...you said it was my fault...and..." I said and started crying again.  
  
He held me some more and whispered into my ear, "It's all right, we're not dead. I'm here, and the others are asleep in their rooms..shh..."  
  
Finally, I hiccuped and stopped crying, and he loosened his arms so I could sit up. I looked at the bed we'd been sleeping in to see I had soaked it through with my sweat and tears. I smiled weakly. "Well, I made a mess, didn't I?" I asked, trying to assure him I was all right now.  
  
He smiled back in that soft, secret way of his and said, "Aa." Then he got up, pulling me to my feet with him. He pushed me down into a chair and began stripping the sheets off the bed. I watched him wearily, trying to banish the dream from my mind, willing myself to forget it.  
  
  
  
Just as it was starting to fade, I heard a voice inside my head. Oh no, my dear Shinigami...noo you don't. I gasped and Heero turned around.  
  
"What is it?" he asked. But I could do nothing, could not move or speak as a shadowy figure seemed to appear, somehow coming from inside of me...holding a gun. Holding MY gun. I stood there, frozen in terror as a hole suddenly appeared in the middle of Heero's forehead and he fell back onto the bed, blood spilling uninhibited from between his eyes. Suddenly, I could move again and I sprang up and started toward him but froze as his voice came to me..."Your fault, Duo...."  
  
*~Owari~*  
  
Aaah, this was so much fun to write! *evil gryn* Poor Duo, he's just soo much fun to torture!  
  
  
  
Notes:  
  
(1)=heh, sorry about the direct quotes from the Episode Zero manga in some of that part...but it works...so I used it! ^^ Also, yes, I DID change it up a bit. I'm aware that in the manga when Duo finds Sister Helen, she still has her clothes on and so forth, but hey! this IS a nightmare and it's also my fic, so I'm gonna go for as freaky as I can get...  
  
(2)=what Heero called him in Japanese was 'little one'...or at least what I think it is. All I have is one Japanese-English dictionary. I don't in any way claim to actually know Japanese ^_^;; 


End file.
